it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
