...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
