porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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