you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
