Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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