I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
