I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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