I hate all girls vehemently.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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