I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
