You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
