he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm at about main and main street
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
