You just made me feel so damn special
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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