69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
