the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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