...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
