Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
