i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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