I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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