Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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