I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
