i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
