New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
