I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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