I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
