I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize