The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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