I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
