Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
