I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No subtext here. People are naked.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
