You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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