and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
