Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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