i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
