So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
