I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
