You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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