Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
