She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
