my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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