I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she told me i tasted like america
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize