C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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