my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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