U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
