I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize