Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
