Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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