who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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