Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
please come you make the beer taste better
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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