As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
