There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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