If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
