Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
