What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
