If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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