Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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