sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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