is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
