Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I party with great urgency now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
