i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
