Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your cock deserves a montage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
