I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i will never coherently bang her
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
