So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
